Not All Mothers Love
On Mother's Day
Trauma travels through family lines until someone is ready to heal it. Your ancestors and descendants celebrate every time you do the work.
As much as I wish otherwise, Mother’s Day is always painful for me. I went no contact with my mother in the summer of 2015, after a fight with her that rendered me catatonic in bed for about a week. It was then I realized I would never be emotionally prepared enough for the ways she’d try to hurt me, no amount of therapy with her would make a lasting difference, that it wasn’t love she felt for me, but something else entirely. I still feel guilt in some sick way for choosing not to have a relationship with my own mother, despite her cruelty.
In these moments, I remind myself of the leaps and bounds I have taken since doing so, the quantum growth I have endured. I remind myself that in healing my own trauma, I am healing hers too, hoping that she, too, is benefiting in some metaphysical DNA-connected way, and knowing that the cycle of abuse ends with me and my siblings.
Today, I wish a happy Mother's Day to all the amazing mothers and moms-to-be in my life and around the world. Good mothers are heroes. I also extend it to all the men and women who chose themselves and went no-contact with theirs. To the daughters and sons who parented their parents. To the warriors who raised themselves in the face of neglect and abuse.
I also encourage anyone struggling with a narcissistic parent to choose themselves, to stop compromising their emotional and mental health for a relationship that only hurts them, to listen to and trust themselves, not social standards or people who don’t understand. Not all mothers love, but you can always choose for yourself.
This piece was originally featured in a May 12, 2019 post on Instagram.
