How to Go From Being Insecure to Being A Problem

How to go from being insecure to being a “problem.” When I say problem, I mean acting more selfishly, meeting your own needs, and feeling comfortable saying “no” to things that do not serve you or to unacceptable treatment. I mean, having the ovaries to go and do things that you really want to do. Speaking up for yourself, actually living your life for you, and not for other people. This is absolutely life-changing work. I've seen it with myself. I've seen it with my clients. This should be the top priority for anyone with low self-esteem. This is how you will do it.

Step One: Brainwash yourself

The subconscious mind plays a significant role in the thoughts your mind produces, as well as the behaviors and habits we create in response to those thoughts. We want to start with reprogramming our subconscious mind. To do this, you're going to go on YouTube and search “self-esteem sleep hypnosis” or “sleep meditation.” For a minimum of 30 days, you will put that on every single night. And you're going to brainwash yourself.

You're also going to take post-it notes, write affirmations on them, and stick them on your mirror. And as you look at yourself in the mirror every day, you're going to read those affirmations. And you're going to repeat them over and over in your head.

Lastly, you will start to be very vigilant about your thoughts. Every time you have a negative thought about yourself, call it out and respond to it. I like to do this by saying “Cancel. Cancel.” You're going to monitor your anxiety levels with this step. If you have higher anxiety, the voice in your head is going to be way more critical. So maybe you need to lower your anxiety. I have many tips on how I manage mine holistically, which I share throughout my website and TikTok page.

Step Two: Wardrobe Audit

Next, go to your closet. You're going to identify all the clothes that make you look and feel hot as shit and all the old clothes or clothes that you really never wear, the clothes with holes in them. You're going to get rid of them. This is a ruthless, salvage process, becoming this bitch. And you need to put on your warrior, warrior goddess face. Keep no prisoners.

Step Three: Build Your Heart Muscle

Self-esteem is like a muscle. You don't just get yoked at the gym overnight. You need to consistently build up this muscle. So, how do we start building this muscle? We start by listening to our hearts and validating what they truly want.

Oftentimes, self-esteem comes from continually abandoning and rejecting parts of ourselves to meet others’ needs. However, you will start meeting your own needs. You're going to start first, just with yourself, with no external conflict.

For example, you're at a restaurant. Before you order, close your eyes and ask your heart what it wants. Maybe it's going to say “a burger.” You never get burgers. You usually get salads. You're going to eat a burger. You go to Starbucks and you usually get a coffee. I don't care that you usually get a coffee. You can close your eyes. What? What do I want? What does your heart say? Wants a frappuccino. You're going to get a frappuccino. You want to take the Zumba class at the gym, but you're embarrassed about how you'll look, yet your heart really wants to do it. You're just going to fucking do it.

Once you get used to meeting your own needs outside of conflict, it gets easier to meet your needs inside of “conflict” with other people. Next is with other people. So with dating, you're going to get gamed up You're going to learn about what boundaries support a high self-image. This is another area where I help women. Anytime that you get shown subpar lazy treatment like f*ck boy treatment, it's a next. Done. Abundance mindset. You're over it.

If you don't believe in these boundaries or that you're worth these boundaries to begin with, your self-esteem will eventually catch up with the boundaries. Very much fake it ‘til you make it, and your inner work converging with this outer work eventually. Just trust the process. I believe in you!

This article was originally a three-minute video here.